Before I received eternal life, I lived with constant worry as if this void of emptiness was growing, and this never-ending fear of death would overwhelm me.
At the age of 16 and the year 2016, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Paranoid Schizophrenia. I would always ask God, why? Why is it that you made me this way? Why is it that I live with delusions every day? I was angry and that void seemed to keep growing and the fear of my delusion that I was going to die soon left me hopeless. I, later on, got into a relationship of 2 years with a man who was physically and mentally abusive and addicted to things I will leave unsaid, once again I had asked the question, why? What did I do to deserve this? But then I realized, I needed something, someone. I couldn’t do this on my own anymore. and I came to the realization it wasn’t a matter of asking God, why, but thanking him. Thanking him for showing me that even through the darkest of times his light had always burned brighter and that it wasn’t he who brought upon the pain, but that of the sinful flesh. I came to terms that the question, why, was not for God to answer for one reason, he made me who I was meant to be, in the image of God. Now being 22 years old and 6 years later after my diagnosis and 7 months ago from today of being free from my abuser. I can say I am thankful for the struggle because if it wasn’t for the pain in my life, I wouldn’t know how to love. I am thankful. The difference between today and then is now I can say with full confidence that God has the power to change any circumstance physically and or mentally as he did for me and that void that once was is no longer because Jesus filled every crevice with his love. I am now in a sense of fulfillment because of God.
Because of this experience, I had gone through, the one thing I was missing in my life was my salvation and because of you Jesus I am saved.
A life of pain and suffering turned into faith and prayer.
And now that I have eternal life, my fear of death is no longer.
Because of you, God, death will no longer take a toll in my life for when the time comes, and when it does I will be at complete peace and acceptance of your timing, Father.
I can say with full confidence that if I were to die tonight, tomorrow, or a year from now my home will be in heaven with, Jesus.
